i dreamed it once. so it must be true.

today, with addie, on leaps of faith.

"and we don't know where it will go, just that we both want it."

when I think about those nights:

Short Talk on the Sensation of Airplane Takeoff

by Anne Carson

Well, you know, that could be love running towards my life with its arms up, shouting, ”Let’s buy it! What a bargain!”

Oh, one of those days


Today's quote browsing: Chuck Palahniuk. (He wrote Fight Club).

Apology

by Joanna Klink

Lately, too much disturbed, you stay trailing in me
and I believe you. How could I not feel
you were misspent, there by books stacked clean on glass,
or outside the snow arriving as I am still arriving.
If the explanations amount to something, I will tell you.
It is enough, you say, that surfaces grow so distant.
Maybe you darken, already too much changed,
maybe in your house you would be content where
no incident emerges, but for smoke or glass or air,
such things held simply to be voiceless.
And if you mean me, I believe you.
Or if you should darken, this inwardness would be misspent,
and flinching I might pause, and add to these meager
incidents the words. Some books
should stay formal on the shelves.
So surely I heard you, in your complication aware,
snow holding where it might weightless rest,
and should you fold into me—trackless, misspent,
too much arranged—I might believe you
but swiftly shut, lines of smoke rising through snow,
here where it seems no good word emerges.
Though it is cold, I am aware such reluctance
could lose these blinking hours to simple safety.
Here is an inwardless purpose.
In these hours when snow shuts, it may be we empty,
amounting to something. How could I not
wait for those few words, which we might enter.

Happy Monday.

I finished reading Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things. I was on my stomach, on a blanket in the sunlight. It was one of those books that I didn't want to end. I had to savor it over a few months for fear it would end too soon. Does that say a lot about my life?

I decided today that this week I would learn the Cups song. I decided I would learn how to handstand in the middle of the room, which I also decided every year for the past three years. I decided I would learn how to braid my hair. I thought about the hike up Salkantay, when my friend braided my hair for me on the 3rd day without showering. I thought about sleeping bags. I thought about my knee injury. I thought about making decisions out of fear and how it compares to making decisions out of exhilaration. I thought about Phil's words, that when you come away from being with someone and you feel lighter, that is how you know it's meant to be. I thought about this morning, how an incredible thing happened. We walked to get breakfast and The Temptations were playing. Then a merengue song. Then another motown song. Then Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody. And my coworker said, you look so pretty today. And I said, no, I don't look different, I just decided on happiness today.

I realized again that we all have ghosts. I decided to talk with one of mine.

Excerpt from:
Husserl’s Theoretical Horizon, or a Ghost Is a House You Live in
C. Dylan Bassett

1. 
Ghosts do not happen alone. Ghosts are made 
from rooms and glass and cherry trees. They lie down and become 
horizons. You see by them. 
You remember. 
  
2. 
Some ghosts want to undo you, to take you apart. 
They crawl in cupboards and bang against the wood. 
They rearrange furniture and hide 
your good shoe. You cannot fight them, you do 
not know their names. Other ghosts want 
to hold you together, to bake your favorite lemon cookies 
in the middle of the night and climb in bed with you 
and comb your hair with their glassy fingers. 
You hate these ghosts most of all. 
You know their names exactly. 

Anna Kendrick performs "Cups"

I got my ticket for the long way ‘round
Two bottle ‘a whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I’m leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say?

When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
The one with the prettiest of views
It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers, it’s got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone