this something that seemed longer than the minutes waiting for you. this something that dug deeper than your fingers in my hair. this something that drove me further than fear did. this something that bound together my legs stronger than your sheets when tangled in the mornings. this something that felt colder than the ice pack against my skin. this something that struck louder than brass bells at your church. this something that felt more empty than the hunger i felt in your absence. this something that resembled betrayal pooling together from my disbelief at your words. this something that felt more shallow than the lyrics you quoted me in place of conversation. this something that felt more substantial than the substance of your body.

there is a cycle here, i see it. it forms tirelessly in my mind, the mold you fit us to. i see it and i don't run.