dammit, Sara Bareilles. you're killing me.


Manhattan

You can have Manhattan
I know it’s for the best
I’ll gather up the avenues
And leave them on your doorstep
And I’ll tip toe away
So you won’t have to say
You heard me leave

You can have Manhattan
I know it’s what you want
The bustle and the buildings
The weather in the fall
And I’ll bow out of place
To save you some space
For somebody new

You can have Manhattan
Cause I can’t have you


You can have Manhattan
The one we used to share
The one where we were laughing
And drunk on just being there
Hang on to the reverie
Could you do that for me?
Cause I’m just too sad to

You can have Manhattan
Cause I can’t have you

And so it goes
One foot after the other
Til black and white begin to color in
And I know
That holding us in place
Is simply fear of what’s already changed


You can have Manhattan
I’ll settle for the beach
And sunsets facing westward
With sand beneath my feet
I’ll wish this away
Just missing the days
When I was one half of two
You can have Manhattan
Cause I can’t have you

I. 

“Memory's images, once they are fixed in words, are erased," Polo said. "Perhaps I am afraid of losing Venice all at once, if I speak of it, or perhaps, speaking of other cities, I have already lost it, little by little.” - Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities

I do think that when I am most afraid of losing something, or someone, I stop speaking about it, to him/her, to anyone else. I'm afraid of losing them all at once, so I stay as quiet as possible, to preserve it. That way, if I close my eyes, it almost feels like nothing changed at all.

--

I was left to my own devices
Many days fell away with nothing to show

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?

And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices
In your pose as the dust settles around us

Oh where do we begin?
The rubble or our sins?
If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

[lyrics from Bastille's Pompeii, which, has been a great companion through all this]

---

II. 

lately, of course, i feel a little too emotionally drained to do pretty much anything at all. But I have been tucking away pieces of inspiration for, you know, later.

If you have not watched or read a transcript of Joss Whedon's (the writer, director, producer) commencement speech at Weslayan, this is what you should spend the next few minutes doing. 

You have, which is a rare thing, the ability and the responsibility to listen to the dissent in yourself. To at least give it the floor. Because it is the key, not only to consciousness, but to real growth. 

To accept duality is to earn identity, and identity is something that you are constantly earning. It is not just “who you are,” it is a process that you must be active in.

Spoiler alert, this is the end of the speech, and it is really really good, so if you plan on reading the entire thing, you should do that first.

And that’s why I’ve been talking only about you and the tension within you. Because you are, not in a cliched sense but in a weirdly literal sense, the future. And after you [the graduating class] walk up here and walk back down you are going to be the present. You will be the broken world and the act of changing it in a way that you haven’t been before. 

You will be so many things and the one thing that I wish I’d known, and want to say, is: don’t just be yourself, be all of your selves. Don’t just live, be that other thing connected to death. Be life. Live all of your life. Understand it, see it, appreciate it, and have fun.

Anna Kendrick performs "Cups"

I got my ticket for the long way ‘round
Two bottle ‘a whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I’m leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say?

When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
The one with the prettiest of views
It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers, it’s got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

What I am to you is not real / What I am to you, you do not need / What I am to you is not what you mean to me / You give me miles and miles of mountains / And I'll ask for the sea...

(damien rice)

"Everyone knows you're going to live
so you might as well start trying."

- Regina Spektor, Firewood

Un día después de la tormenta, cuando menos piensas:  sale el sol  - Shakira

so.
i'm sitting in the office.
the lights have turned off because i've stayed later than most.
and this song is on full volume in my ears.

Regina Spektor's song on her new album. The song is called "How."
Don't write it off as cliche until you have heard it. I suggest you drink in the song with dim lights with your eyes closed.


How can I forget your love
How can I never see you again?
There is a time and place
For one more sweet embrace
And there's a time ooh
Where it all ohh
Went wrong
I guess you know by now
That we will meet again somehow

How oh oh
Oh baby how
Can I begin again
How can I try to love someone knew
Someone who isn't you
How can our love be true
When I'm not ooh I'm not ooh over you
I guess you know by now
That we will meet again somehow

Time can come and take away the pain
But I just want my memories to remain
To hear your voice to see your face
There's not one moment I'd erase
You are a guest here now

So baby how can I forget your love
How can I never see you again
How can I never know
Why some stay otehrs go
When I don't ohhh I don't want you oooh to go
I guess I know by now that we will meet again somehow

Time can come and wash away the pain
But I just want my mind to stay the same
To hear your voice
To see your face
There's not one moment I'd erase
You are a guest here now

So baby how can I forget your love
How can I never see you again?

allow me to share wisdom from Nicki Minaj and Drake.



"to live doesn't mean you're alive...
i'm really tryin' to make it more than it is
'cause everybody dies but not everybody lives"


this is my moment, i waited all my life
i can tell it's time
driftin' away, i'm one with the sunset
i have become alive.

We'll check the belly of the sun
To know exactly where we're from

- Mirah

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it’s always darkest before the dawn


And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It’s always darkest before the dawn

And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It’s a final mess but it’s left me so empty
It’s always darkest before the dawn


And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me


And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

and you said you knew
how you were gonna take it
that you'd take it all
that you knew my heart was not that small
and how could we ever manage
carts and horses could never carry

all I want to give
not give enough
I want to give
not give you love

I chose the strangest little cup
to drink you from and stir you up
and you were beautiful it's true
and all I ever wanted was
to be good to you

and when you see me cry
you ask me, but I think that
you already know why
I'm staring up at the sky

and you said you understood
but promises are not that good
in this improper marriage
love and justice found miscarriage
at the only embassy
with an office for the damaged

and when you see me cry
you ask me, but I think that
you already know why
I'm staring up at the sky

-thao & mirah

it was love that set our fragile planet rolling
tilting at our perfect twenty-three
molecules and men infused with holy
finding our way around the galaxy
and paradise has up and flown away for now

but hope still breathes and truth is always true
and just when we think it's almost over
love has the final move

something right went very wrong
but love has been here all along


- C.R.

i find shelter, in this way
under cover, hide away
can you hear when i say?
i have never felt this way

maybe i had said, something that was wrong
can i make it better with the lights turned on?

could i be, was i there?

it felt so crystal in the air,
i still want to drown, whenever you leave
please teach me gently
how to breathe
and i'll cross oceans, like never before
so you can feel the way i feel it too
and i'll mirror images back at you
so you can see the way i feel it too

- shelter, the xx

Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give so much more
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you
And I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard it before


- heart skipped a beat, the xx

Having troubles telling how I feel
But I can dance, dance and dance
Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean
But I can dance, dance, dance
So when I trip on my feet
Look at the beat
The words are, written in the sand
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are, written in the air
oh, dance...
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do, hey
Easy conversations, there's no such thing
No I'm shy, shy, shy
My hips they lie 'cause in reality I'm shy, shy, shy
But when I trip on my feet
Look at the ground
The words are, written in the dust
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are written in the air
oh, dance!
oh I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do
Dance, dance, dance


Lykke Li, dance dance dance