where do i find inspiration?

eyelashes. water. light. mess.

a new year, a new light

heart flutters, full of flight

the heart may freeze
or it can burn
the pain will ease
if i can learn

there is no future
there is no past
i live this moment
as my last

there's only us
there's only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss

no other road
no other way
no day but today


there's only yes
only tonight
we must let go
to know what's right

no other course
no other way
no day but today

there's only now
there's only here
give in to love
or live in fear

no other path
no other way
no day but today

don't stop believing

there are not many kingdoms left, my heart said.
but do not worry,
when i crown you wisdom in the next open field, there will be a throne and there will be a castle

the throne made of collected wrinkly sheets of music, the kind that my fingers have composed upon the roughness of your absence
the castle built of stones created from vats of water, the salty kind that falls from my eyes that i cannot bear to term tears

i believe in the disappearance of concrete, even as it pours from your mouth and your eyes

my kingdom is invaded,
but the invasion is not permanent
it lasts a long time,
perhaps an indelible impression
like the ghosts of trees we saw in new mexico from a fire long past

but there is green everywhere surrounding
hills, and dust, and sand,
creeks albeit manmade
cows albeit man fed

i am ready for the green
the sheets of music to be clean

our veins to be separate, a heart quietly beating out the songs of the past
so that i can move on to the lyric i will compose tomorrow

this is freedom, i believe.

to s.

i would kiss your hands
if i could

i steal horses in my sleep
chasing fields and fences in the dark, you know, hurdles that i don't remember in the morning

the early hours are hazy because you are absent even when you are near

and you don't understand distance unless it's physical, and even when it's physical

we are writing eulogies.


Carrie bullets out the things she want(ed) to spend less time doing.
"On the periphery of shallow time with people I wanted to know deeply"


She writes down what she believe(d).
- in feeling how you feel
- however much you need, that's enough
- a good friend cares more about the well being of the friend than the pleasantness of the friendship
- widening perspective
- in embracing the innocent that allows for bold hope
- in chasing the experiences that deepen real wisdom
- altruism with examined motives

... among other things

i have created my own mythology
haven't we all?
what are the gods and goddesses of our fate?
how many arms do they have, and how do we see them? how do we worship them, and what do we sacrifice in order to appease them?

the field below is far but soon
and i will fall in clovers and dew