he doesn't always smell good, but the mystery that i haven't solved is how i always love how he smells

note to ask her:
what are things you cry about?

my friend asked me what I was like in Kindergarten. I told him I was very solitary, super quiet.

And when I was a teenager, I slept a lot.

Maybe I used up all of that. Maybe that's now I can't be alone, and I can no longer sleep.

Off we go, more run than care, more dance—
If a polka could be done not in a room but straight

Ahead, into the beautiful distance, the booming
Sound of the phonograph weakening, but our legs

Getting stronger with their bounding practice:
This day, that feeling, drunkenness

Born of indecision, lack of focus, but everything
Forgiven: Today is a day exposed for what it is,


- alberto rios

notes:

- i was talking about having been sad for the past few days, and she said that every month if she hasn't been both happy and sad, it is an incomplete month. because if you're not sad, it means you're not stretching yourself, if you don't fall, you're just not trying hard enough. sadness isn't negative.
- creating
- giving yourself away
- this is about my insecurity, it's not real, it's not based on anything real

it's hard to be an island


"just because the process doesn't yield a product doesn't mean that the process isn't valuable"

"I loved to dance because I was scared to speak. When I was moving, I could feel."

-Pina Bausch, on dancing as a child.

sometimes i am convinced more than ever that when you close your eyes, you close more to me than your eyes.

he asked me if i thought i wanted us to be together because i idealized our relationship.

i think about this often, because missing someone doesn't mean you should be with him.

i have experienced distance in the past. this is the kind of distance and i feel nothing for. the kind of distance that in fact creates emptiness. the kind of distance that makes me realize that the substance of a relationship was insubstantial.

but in him, i see the extraordinary, whether there is distance or lack of distance, the fact is that ordinary becomes the extraordinary, and isn't that what idealism is about, and does it in fact become fact instead of the ideal?

"Will it be worth it?"

If we have to ask, wasn't it already?